Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
