The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
