and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
