Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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