Sry I called you an 8
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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