just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize