the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
