we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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