This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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