I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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