Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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