took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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