I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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