Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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