It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize