Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
