i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's no shave November. This is our time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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