Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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