Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
