I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
