I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
