I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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