wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
