Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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