man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
