Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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