Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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