About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
