Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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