I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
