i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
