At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
