you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
