I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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