My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's rum buckets o'clock
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
