my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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