I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
love makes seman taste better
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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