So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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