Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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