My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
