Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
