I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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