my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
