i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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