So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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