i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
