My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
did i just pee glitter
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize