I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
