so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
