So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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