i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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