its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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