when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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