i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
