he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
