Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
