I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
