how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
