my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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