Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
