he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
