Tell her she can't have a vagina
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize