That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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