If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
