i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
